Make a move.

Question for the people… that has been asked a gazillion times before, I’m sure, but I’m asking again… what are your thoughts on a woman asking a man for his number or asking a man out?

I have never done it.  I’m not that bold to approach a guy like that.  I can know a guy forever and have a huge crush on him, but still not be the first to make a move.  I like to be the mysterious “aloof” type to draw them in.  LOL! 

At the same time, I have nothing against it.  I would never tell another woman NOT to.  If you have the nerve to ask a guy out, then go for yours!!!

I’m asking because I have a friend who recently asked a guy out, and it didn’t go her way.  When I think of people who have done so in the past, I’ve gotten different opinions of it, which is to be expected.  Each case is different.  But one girl says she would NEVER do it again… another says that most of the guys she made the first move on took it the wrong way - like she was a “sure thing” - which, she didn’t like… another says she doesn’t want to sit around waiting for a guy to ask her out, so she’s all about it… and I know a woman who was the one to propose to her boyfriend at the time and they’re still happily married some time later.

I’ve NEVER had a guy tell me he had a problem with a girl making the first move.  Ever.  Most of them say they like it.

Interesting…

I’d buy that for a dollar.  But only up to a point.  What about the “chase?”  They say a man likes the “chase” or a feeling of accomplishment.  Like they went after something (someone) and got it.  Is that true or false?

What say you?  As a man, do you like when a woman makes the first move on you?  And not just somebody you find attractive - ANY woman.  As a woman, how often do you make the first move on men?  All the time?  Sometimes?  Rarely?  Never?  Why or why not?

Could I be neurotic?

I hate when there are two boxes of the same kind of cereal, and somebody opens the second box before they finish off the first.  It’s like a third of the box of cereal left.  Eat that before you open the new one.

Speaking of cereal… I hate when somebody pours a bowl, and then leaves the top open.  CLOSE IT BACK!

I hate when I’m eating and people hover over me food and say, “Oooh, that looks good!  What are you eating?”  Back up off my plate.

I can walk into my room and tell if certain things have been changed, moved around, or put in the wrong spot.

I need the TP to roll from the top, down.  Not the other way around.  Never the other way around.

Once I have a ‘place’ for something… no matter what it is… I need it to be in that place.  Whether it’s a candle on my desk, my cell phone on my nightstand, my shaving foam in the rear right-hand corner of the tub, etc.  That’s where it goes… that’s where it needs to be.

I’m irked when people shut down their computers without having first closed out of all the programs they were running.  Or, say, somebody turns off a CD or DVD player without actually stopping the CD or DVD first.  There’s an order to things.

My coworker occasionally uses my desk at night, and he’ll leave my ish in the wrong spot or leave extra envelopes and crap on my desk that was not here when he sat down.  I.hate.that.

Yeah.  I’m “special” like that.

Anywho… how was your weekend?  Mine was great!

November 2008

One of my favorite quotes from last night:

“What the naysayers don’t understand is that this election has never been about me; it’s about YOU.”

-Barack Obama

This is a change I believe in.  Every time Obama speaks I am moved.  I believe him.  He’s not a run-of-the-mill politician talking from the same old script.  He speaks from the heart AND the mind.  THIS is a change for the better and such an exciting time in history.  As a black person, this is monumental.  Huge for us as a people.  (And save the ”you’re-only-voting-for-him-cuz-he’s-black-you-should-be-colorblind” argument because you’re wasting your time.  I don’t want to hear it and you clearly can’t see where I’m coming from.  M’kay? )

Obama-Biden 2008!

TGIF snitches.  Have a fab 3-day weekend! 

(Enjoy the photos.  More HERE.)

Druggie.

I don’t like medicine.  Of any kinds.

When I get a headache or craps, I typically prefer to ride it out or sleep it off.

Cuz I don’t like medicine.

Unless it’s pain I just CANNOT take or the medicine is absolutely necessary to cure something, I’d really rather not.  “Side effects” are not wassup.  It bothers me.

The only pill I’m typically popping is a women’s formula multi-vitamin, and I like it that way.

But I’m now on a new prescription from the doctor (nothing serious), and taking these pills are completely FREAKING ME OUT.  I’ve been reading up on it, the positives and negatives, other people’s reviews (even though I know that can be unreliable because people tend to only give feedback when they want to b*tch about something), possible side effects, less common but more serious side effects, etc. 

I’m driving myself a little berserk right now.  ANY little change in my mood or behavior, and I question whether or not it’s the prescription.  Sleepy?  It’s got to be the pills.  I’m eye-balling everything about me like a hawk right now.

I’m on drugs.  And I don’t like it one bit.

Wow.

I was just over at CreoleinDC’s spot where she had a blog up asking people who were molested how they dealt with it and if/when/how they got over it.  Some of the answers were surprising to me.

I didn’t realize until after college just how many women and girls have been raped or molested.  It was a LOT more than I had ever thought. 

I now understand even more fully why my parents were as protective as they were.  Why we weren’t allowed to sleep over certain people’s homes if they didn’t know their parents or if a man was in the house.  Why even when we were allowed to go to some sleep-overs, we couldn’t actually “sleep over.”  My mom would pick us up at 10 or so.

There were many other examples like this where my sister and I would BEG to be able to do something or go somewhere and the answer was no.  And it was NOT up for negotiation.  I used to think that was a drag.  But, as they say, hindsight is 20/20.  Now, I can TOTALLY understand why they would be so protective.  And if I had a kid, I’d be the same way.

I’m very fortunate.  I’ve never been raped.  Or molested.  Or physically abused.

But MANY other women have.  (And men, for that matter.)  I do know a couple of people here and there who were abused or molested as kids, but I wonder how many of my friends or cousins or other relatives have been molested and I just don’t know about it.  I’m sure it’s more than I think I know.  I’m sure about that.

What’s sad is, a lot of these women/girls suffer in silence.  Either, they’re made to believe that them being abused was somehow THEIR fault, or the people / family members they told didn’t believe them because of who the abuser was, or people didn’t WANT to believe them because of their relationships with the abuser.  Some women/girls don’t even REALIZE they’re being abused because nobody had ever talked to them about such things before.

I think that’s so ridiculous.  I think it takes a SICK person to rape/abuse/molest anybody… especially a child.  I think it’s even more sick for people to ignore their children or tell them that they’re lying if they do tell them that they’re being touched inappropriately.  It’s a damn shame.  My mother was very vigilant with letting us know that if anybody were to lay a hand on us, we were to tell her… no matter WHO it was.  Even if it were my father.  WHO.EV.ER.  We were to let her know.

My sister and I at the time would just roll our eyes in typical pre-teen / teenager fashion and be like, “Okay, Ma!  We get it.  Dang!  We’ll tell you.  Whatever.  Can we talk about something else, please?!?!”

Unfortunately, a lot of people didn’t have that open door.  Unfortunately, a lot of mothers made their daughters feel like crap for sharing that they had been molested.  Unfortunately, a lot of mothers put their own relationships with men BEFORE their own child’s well-being.

I think it’s all unfortunate.  You would THINK people would want to punish the abuser MORE than to shame the victim.

You would THINK.

As a parent, it is your JOB to protect your child.  As a husband, it is your JOB to protect your wife.  You don’t make them feel like crap for having been abused/raped/molested.  You don’t put your boyfriend before your child.  You don’t put your ego before your wife.  You don’t MOLEST, RAPE, or ABUSE these people.  You are actually supposed to PROTECT them from such things.

PROTECT THEM.  THIS.IS.YOUR.DUTY.

It’s a damn shame how many people get away with this, and how many other people have to LIVE with the results of it.

August 25, 2001

I was just reminded over at Don’t Be Chi that today marks seven years since Aaliyah passed away.  SEVEN years!  I can’t believe it’s been that long.  

My roommates and I had a whole conversation about her, literally, FIVE minutes before we found out the news.  It was really eerie and I completely didn’t believe the source at first because we had JUST been talking about her.  I really thought I was getting punked or something.  Little did I know… 

There has yet to be another like her… and they better not even try.

R.I.P. Aaliyah.

Okay, summer. I’m over you.

A couple of months back, I wrote this post.  I was full swing in summertime mode.

Now… I’m over it.

I’m tired of being hot ALL the time.  Every time I get in my car I burn my hands on the steering wheel or my seat belt.  My face is greasy.  I dress for the hot weather, yet there’s an arctic blast when I step foot into my office.  I’m over it all.

I’m ready for my favorite season to roll around.

Fall!

Not only is my birthday in the fall (*cough*November*cough*), but the weather is perfect, IMO.  I like a crisp 60-65 degree day.  I’m big on layering and boots and scarves and jackets, etc.  Fall fashions, oh yeah.  Fall is not too hot, or too cold, or too rainy.  I likes.

Summer, it’s been real.  But I’m tired of melting now.  Bring on the fall.

Cool James Todd.

I have been on a complete LL Cool J kick lately.  I haven’t listened to any LL in a minute, but I broke out his All World album the other day, and it has been in HEAVY rotation ever since.

I think going to Rock the Bells the other week put his song Rock the Bells in my head.  Plus I was trying to explain to my friend what song it was (she had no idea where the heck the name Rock the Bells came from) and I kept singing, in my best LL voice, “Rock the BELLS!”  (She still didn’t know what the heck I was talking about until I pushed play and she heard him say, “LL Cool J is hard as HELL!” )

But since then, I’ve been all submerged in LL circa ‘89-’96.

Everything from (sing along if you know it):

My radio, believe me, I like it loud/  I’m the man with a box that can rock the crowd/ Walkin’ down the street, to the hardcore beat/ While my JVC vibrates the concrete…

To

‘Cause I’m the pinnacle, that means I reign supreme/ and I’m notorious, I’ll crush you like a Jellybean/  I’m bad…

To

(in a soft voice) When I’m alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall/ and in the back of my mind, I hear my conscience call/ telling me I need a girl who’s a sweet as a dove/ and for the first time in my life, I see I need love…

To

Going back to Cali, stylin, profilin/ Growlin’ and smilin’, while in the sun/ The top is down on the black Corvette/ and it’s fly ’cause it’s sittin on Dayton’s…

To

They’re jingling baby/ Go ‘head baby/ They’re jingling baby/ Go ‘head baby/ They’re jingling baby/ Go head baby/ They’re jingling baby/ Go ‘head baby…

To

I need a girl with extensions in her hair/ bamboo earrings, at least two pair/ a Fendi bag and a bad attitude/ that’s all I need to get me in a good mood…

To

Who do you love (I wanna lounge with you)/ Are you for sure (I do what I gotta do)/ Who do you love (I wanna lounge with you)/ Are you for sure (I do what I gotta do…

To

It was all Harlem at the Ruckers/ I saw you with your man/ smiling, hmph, a Coach bag in your hand/ I was laying in the coup with my hat turned back/ we caught eyes for a moment, and that was that… 

But the song that get’s me AMPED… like I can take on the world and can’t nothin and nobody stop me, is “Mama Said Knock You Out.”  I was in a bit of a funk on Monday.  I listenend to that song Tuesday morning and it started my day off with a bang.

If you saw the Hip Hop Honors on VH1 (in ‘05, I think) when he was honored, he explains where the song came from.  He said whenever he was going on stage and he may have been nervous or it was a big deal, he said his grandmother would tell him, “Just go out there and knock ‘em out, baby.  Just knock ‘em out.”

I love that.

Thus, “Mama Said Knock You Out” was born. 

There are actually a lot of lines from his songs that other artists have used/recycled as of late and I wonder if other people realize that.  Little Brother, Ludacris, even Common.  They’ve all cleverly used bit of LL’s stuff here and there.  Probably as a way to pay homage to him.  Never mind the lip-lickin’ slick image LL has acquired later in his career, the guy is still dope.  To me, anyway.

C’mon man!

“Now, I ain’t sayin’ she a gold-digger…”

Okay.

Here are some of my thoughts on this gold-digger issue in regard to relationships. 

I think there are a LOT of different types of people in the dating pool.  You’d never hear me be the type of woman to exclaim, “ALL MEN ARE DOGS!”  Nor would I ever say that all women (except for the ones in my circle, of course) are trifling.  No.

I do think there are some  women who are trifling and some  men who are dogs out there.  But, I also know there are a LOT of other good men and good women to choose from as well.  Absolutely. 

Lot’s of fish in the sea, folks.  Lot’s of fish.

So, when I hear men saying that they don’t like / don’t want / can’t stand / all women are gold-diggers, it, for one, let’s me know that they’ve probably dealt with such a girl (or two) before.  But, also, it makes me wonder if they’re the classic case of men who complain about gold-diggers but put themselves out there as a PRIME target for gold-diggers whether they know it or not. 

As I’ve experienced along with many other women I’m sure, a lot of the time, these men will use money / cars / toys / job titles as part of their ’sales pitch’ when they approach.  They like to ever-so-unsubtly slide these things into the conversation to make themselves look better.  Or, maybe they think it gives them a better chance at getting the number.  Once, I actually had a dude pull money out of his wallet and tell me, “I make my OWN money.  I got a house and TWO cars.  I can buy you whatever you want, girl!”

Really, he did.

Now, I was not feeling ol’ boy in the least, but if I were a gold-digger, I would have been ON HIS TEAM.

This is not to say that every man would go to that extreme, but does it ever, EVER occur to these men that if you’re putting all your money out there for show, then you’re going to attract the girl that’s got her hand out?!

Hello?  Anyone?

It’s really 2+2.

If what you’re selling me is what you have and what you’re wearing and what you drive instead of WHO YOU ARE… then, yeah, the ONLY ones who will care are gold-diggers.  She’ll be more than happy to let you take her out in your shiny new truck that’s rollin’ on dubs and order the most expensive thing on the menu (plus and appetizer and dessert.  You’re good for it, right?).  Don’t get all shocked and appalled when you keep attracting gold-diggers.  Look in the mirror, home skillet.  YOU are the common denominator.

Bad Business.

I was out and about a couple of months ago picking up lunch for my office.  When I get to the restaurant, they pretty much know me because I’m there regularly getting food for the office.  (And yes, I went to college for this.  *sigh* )  So, the guy behind the counter says, “You’re picking up for The G.ame, right?”  I nod and they start bringing my stuff out.

Meanwhile, this lady nearby overheard and says to me, “Oh, you work for The G.ame?  Do you know such-n-such?”  I said, “Yeah, the writer such-n-such?  She works in my office.  I’m getting lunch for her right now.”  She says, “Oh, me and such-n-such go way back!”  Long story short, this lady wanted to refer this masseuse who goes around to different studios and gives massages to actors/writers/executives/etc. to such-n-such.  She said she’d have the lady contact me and I’d forward the info to such-n-such.  So I gave her the number to our office and went on about my business.  

A couple of days later the lady called me and asked if she could come give her presentation/drop off the pamphlet/etc.

I said cool.

I have to be somewhat of a ”filter” to these writers, so I can’t just have her roll up and be chilling giving a presentation in somebody’s office unless I get permission directly from that person to do so.  So I had to be the one to listen to her spiel and pass it along to such-n-such.

And I did that.

I gave such-n-such the pamphlet, her business card, and told her what she said.

Such-n-such took her stuff and said thanks.  I was done with it.

The masseuse called the office a few weeks later.

“Did you give such-n-such my message?”

“I did.  She’s not here right now, but I can let her know you called again to follow up if you like.”

“Okay, that’s cool.  I just wanted to know if she needs a massage.”

I’m thinking… if she WANTS a massage, I’m sure she’ll call you.  Or maybe she already has somebody who massages her and she doesn’t need your services… but hey… sometimes persistence pays.

A couple weeks later… she calls again.

“Is such-n-such there?”

“She’s in a meeting right now and can’t be disturbed.  Can I take a message?”

“This is masseuse lady again.  Are you sure you gave her my message, because she didn’t call me.”

“Well, I can’t speak on what she did or didn’t do, but I did give her your messages.”

“Do you know if she’s even interested?!”

*thinking this chick needs to calm down and take the bass out her voice*

“She hasn’t talked to me about it, but I’ll give her your message again, or maybe you can talk to the lady who referred you because she knows such-n-such personally so maybe she talked to her about you.”

“Okay.  Just let her know I called again.”

Ol’ girl called here again yesterday.

“This is masseuse lady.  Can I talk to such-n-such.”

“She’s not here yet, but I’ll let her know you called.  Again.”

“I just need a yes or no from her because then I’ll know if I’m wasting my time or not so I don’t have to keep calling her.”

*crickets*

See… you’re offering a service.  A SERVICE!!!!  Which means it’s OPTIONAL.  Which means people will call YOU when they need YOU.  Which means you should be nice and available WHEN that time comes.  Which means you don’t keep STALKING them trying to force a massage down their throats. 

DUH!

Don’t be slow.  And don’t cop an ATTITUDE if somebody doesn’t want a massage RIGHT NOW.  Maybe I wanted one myself, but the way you’ve been talking to me let’s me know I’ll definitely be looking elsewhere when I need a massage.  She just doesn’t sound pleasant. 

If you’re an entrepreneur… take a class on tact and CUSTOMER SERVICE if you ain’t got it.  Offer a deal or a special or something.  Make it more enticing for her to want to call you.  Don’t just randomly keep calling to ask if she got your stuff when I ALREADY TOLD YOU SHE DID!

Don’t be a dummy with your OWN business.

Dang.